Thursday, August 28, 2014

Josh Gordon WR Cleveland Browns

Josh Gordon is probably feeling pretty in the dumps this week. He lost his appeal on his semi-bogus drug test that was just barely (in the most literal sense) over the NFL legal limit. I say NFL legal limit cause it's much tougher than the Olympics, my job, etc. Let's not get into this argument that has been beaten to death. Or beaten unconscious and dragged out of an elevator. But I digress.

Gordon may not be able to practice and be with his teammates. But he will always have porn starts that will have his back. Or Front. Porn star/Escort/Connoisseur of Daddy Issues Jenna Shea posted this photo of Josh Gordon on instagram letting him know - Hey, you can always have this... For a price.

This lady posts her rates on her website, which, Jesus -- is that even legal? Like here's how much you can rent me for, do what you wish. Probably similar to selling bongs that are for tobacco only. Considering his 70 clean tests - he probably just cuddled and talked about his problems and the fact that Brian Hoyer is his QB. Then again, her twitter bio does say that she is a, quote, PRO CUDDLER.

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Friday, August 22, 2014

Johnny Manziel QB Cleveland Browns

Johnny Manziel was fined $12,000 for flipping off the Redskins bench in what I would call a protest of the teams name. Horseshit. This is how probably how he answered the call from Mr. Goodell.

Mike Evans WR Tampa Bay Buccaneers

C'mon Mr. Bouncer man, Buccaneers rookie WR Mike Evans bought 6 bottles in the club, why do you have to give him such a hard time? This was supposedly from last weekend according to TMZ, but according to his agent it's from this past March. Either way, no charges were filed against the wideout and now everyone got to see some random dudes butt crack all over the place, all while Evans showed off his athleticism jumping cars and running at least 40 yards in probably a better time than his combine numbers.  We live in a wonderful time. 

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

LeGarrette Blount, Le'Veon Bell RB's Pittsburgh Steelers

If you're a fantasy football nut like most of everyone in the nation, you know that their was the possibility of a committee attack in Pittsburgh. Boy they had no idea.

Running backs LeGarrette Blount and Le'Veon Bell, first and second on the depth chart, were both arrested for possession of marijuana as well as another lady after getting pulled over by a motorcycle cop. The cop smelled marijuana as they usually do when people smoke marijuana, and they found 20 grams of marijuana in the vehicle. All three admitted the marijuana was theres, which makes absolutely no fucking sense and they were all arrested. Bell, who was driving, will reportedly also be arrested for driving under the influence of marijuana.

2nd String Blount maybe should have thrown the starter Bell a bone in the situation since he was driving. Or you know, maybe the chick so this wasn't all over the news. I guess they all just wanted to help each other out ending with them all getting arrested.

Edit: The Police Report has been released from the arrest -- and it's got some real good info.

First off, All three admitted to purchasing the marijuana. As in all three said they chipped in. As in all three of them owned the marijuana. As in all three of them got charged with possession. As in all three of them are idiots.

Secondly, Bell pulled a Donovan McNabb and plead stupidity. Bell said that he didn't know you couldn't get a DUI for being high, and then, quote: "I smoked two hours ago. I’m not high anymore. I’m perfectly fine. Why would I be getting high if I had to make it to my game?”

There you go Mr. Lawyer, good luck with this one.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Jerry Jones Owner Dallas Cowboys

Now this one is fucking weird. God's own son wrote out a 20 page manifesto - and sent it all over twitter - for... some reason. I think he was trying to warn Jerry Jones (it was addressed to him) that people were trying to blackmail him with the photos. In doing so he got them put all over the internet.

Good one Jesus.

Of course, I would say good for Jerry for still smashing 20 somethings on the regular. However we all know these are probably escorts. Which is a fancy rich person term for hooker. Unless the escort happens to die in the transaction, then she was just a hooker.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Justin Blackmon WR Jacksonville Jaguars

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Justin Blackmon and Josh Gordon are on a race - what potentially top 5 wideout can ruin their NFL careers and get kicked out of the league the fastest. Gordon was just about to tie Blackmon by getting a DUI while appealing a year long suspension for drugs. Blackmon said fuck that shit. I'm already suspended indefinitely for drugs, let's get arrested for marijuana and put this shit to bed. 

Your move Gordon. 

Monday, July 7, 2014

Johnny Manziel QB Cleveland Browns

There has been plenty of uproar about this picture since it was posted yesterday, and dear lord I do not see why. Maybe Johnny Football is rolling it up to play a clever joke on the bathroom attendant with the tip. Maybe he's stuffing it in his sock so he ensures that he has cab money for the ride home. Maybe he's just starting his money roll to make it look like he has an old timey money phone. Or he was rolling it up for easy insertion for tipping a stripper.

Nope, everyones going to run with it and say he's doing blow in the club bathroom. Who knows. The man literally has every move he makes photographed. Not that I mind in particular, but he's bound to snap eventually. Wake me up when someone has a picture of him snorting black tar heroin out of a strippers booty hole.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Rob Gronkowski TE New England Patriots

Everyones bitching about Johnny Manziel partying with Floyd Mayweather and Justin Bieber and doing other awesome things. All that bitching is stupid as shit, but it allows Rob Gronkowski to go under the radar and party his ass off without nearly as many people complaining.

Here are some shots from Gronk's 4th of July weekend.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Johnny Manziel QB Cleveland Browns, Rob Gronkowski TE New England Patriots

It seems that now that Johnny Manziel is officially in the NFL, he has someone to take him under their wings and show them the ropes. Luckily for Manziel he gets the best partier in the NFL to rage with in Vegas.

Here is Manziel raging with Gronk and spraying champagne over a crowd with DJ Pauly D.

My apologies for the lack of posts recently, will be picking up again here right... about... now. Cheers. 

Monday, May 5, 2014

Michael Nysewander TE Alabama

Alabama senior TE Michael Nysewander may not put much up for stats, but I'll be damned if he doesn't party like a true, full blooded American. Here he is pounding a beer and smashing it on his head at Talladega. Picture from @BunkiePerkins.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Von Miller LB Denver Broncos

Von Miller only played in 9 games last season, for more than one reason, but he continues to be a beast when he's on the field -- and especially off it. As he recovers from a torn ACL, he continues to tear it up at the clubs.

DeSean Jackson WR Washington Redskins

It was only a matter of time before DeSean Jackson christened his start with the Redskins by hitting up the clubs. Jackson had his welcome to DC party at Huxley Wednesdays and celebrated with a giant bottle of leopard print Moet champagne.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Rob Ryan DC New Orleans Saints

As my body continues to recuperate from the beating it took bar crawling on Saturday, Rob Ryan is just getting started on his St. Patricks Day celebration. Here he is drinking with various party goers during the day.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Aaron Rodgers QB Green Bay Packers

It's a long offseason that's just getting started, and it appears that maybe a few players are starting to get the notion that it's not good to get photographed out doing beer bongs and other debauchery. It's time to dive deep into the archive and pull out something so here is Aaron Rodgers living out Rex Ryan's dream back in the day at former teammate Terrence Murphy's wedding.

For more drunk athletes, Follow me on twitter at @ShotOfGinn

Friday, February 21, 2014

Jason Kelce C Philadelphia Eagles

Jason Kelce started all 16 games for the Philadelphia Eagles last season, and I'm sure he had lots of fun. However, I think he may or may not be having a little more fun this offseason. Here is Kelce getting drunk apparently after doing the Polar Plunge in Jersey. From Polar Bear hats to pig masks, I need to party with this man.